It is common for new widows to go through a phase of multiple repairs, paperwork, and mundane tasks during the first six or so months of their journey. Suddenly, everything seems to go wrong, as if losing your spouse wasn’t enough. Then, you find that your washing machine breaks down, you have to sell the car, or other issues arise that push you out of your comfort zone. Add to that all the legal and financial paperwork required related to your beloved’s passing. Sometimes, you feel like telling God: Are you f**ing kidding me?* You get the idea.

I am somehow past that phase now, and looking back, I realize that all those things kept me moving and alive during that dark period of my life. They gave me something to do, even if all I managed that day was to get dressed and open the door for the plumber. In those moments, I focused on the matter at hand and not on my pain, they kept me living in my present –

All those mundane tasks also made me more independent. I learned new tricks and became more comfortable dealing with legal paperwork. Repairing things at home led me to re-landscape my garden and refurbish a few rooms. As a result, I fell in love with my home again, after previously thinking of selling it and moving abroad—wanting to run as far away as possible and hide. These tasks kept me away from making impulsive decisions because I was distracted by something else.

I was also told that somehow, we are “entertained” (to put it kindly) with these tasks while our new life is being formed. For example, you might find a new hobby or meet someone during this process who leads you to a new activity or path. What I’m trying to say is that all this nuisance has a purpose—to teach us something, to create space for new opportunities, or simply to keep us alive and moving.

This is my take on it. Have you experienced anything similar?