Losing our partner leaves a huge hole in our heart, but I’ve learned that the best way to fill that gap is through self-love.

When I talk about self-love, I don’t mean narcissism, but the kind of love that nourishes us, making us kinder and better people. I’m also not ruling out the possibility of finding love again. However, I believe that in order to give love, we must first love ourselves. Otherwise, we risk falling for the wrong type of person because we don’t love ourselves enough to secure the best for us.

We not only lose our partner but also our security, our identity, our future, our trust in others, and our happiness. We had it all, only to fall so hard and so low that only self-love can help us realize that darkness and depression are not the answer. We are more than that. We can resurface, in spite of it all, and find happiness again. We owe it to ourselves, to our partners, who would want us to be happy, and to our children.

But if I am no longer his/her spouse, then who am I? Reflect on that question. If you don’t like the answer, then find who you were before him/her and who you would like to be going forward. Did you ever want to be something bigger or better? Did you ever want to try something new? Try setting some goals and breaking them down into achievable short-term steps.

Become the person you would like to fall in love with.

Start looking after your body. Nourish it with healthy food, get a new hairstyle, start a fitness routine, go for walks, do some exercise—reinvent yourself.

Look after your mind. Replace the TV remote with a good book or engage your time in a rewarding activity or hobby. Learn something new. Maybe it’s time to change your job?

Nourish your soul. Get closer to nature, adopt a pet, pray, start meditating, perform a random act of kindness. Do anything that lifts your spirit and brings tiny sparks of happiness into your life.

Start with small steps, and the rest will unfold naturally.

When we start loving ourselves, we raise our vibration. Our light will shine again, and as a result, we will begin attracting others vibrating at a similar frequency. In other words, we will attract the right kind of people. We will also start enjoying our own company as we walk this new path.