When we lose someone we love, we experience triggers that set us back. In the beginning, they can come from anywhere and several times a day—a receipt, a yogurt in the fridge, his shoes by the door.

But as time goes by, these triggers may come less frequently. We can also anticipate them—like anniversaries, birthdays, special occasions, or milestones. We may even be able to prepare for them and then let them pass. The problem arises when we start feeling better, and suddenly, something sets us back. We may feel defeated once again, out of nowhere—no date, no special occasion—and there are no more yogurts or shoes by the door to blame.

In mindfulness, we learn to identify our emotions when we feel off. We observe the emotion, call it by its name, recognize that it is there, and then let it pass, finding our peace again. It works in a very similar way with triggers.

When you feel like you are making progress and suddenly something sets you off, and you have no clue where it came from, you can apply the STOP technique:

• S – STOP what you are doing
• T – Take a breath, take a couple of slow breaths in and out
• O – Observe your emotions, your feelings. What are you feeling—frustration, anger, sadness, anxiety? Call it by its name and reflect on what could have triggered you. You may have to reflect on the previous week to find the root cause. When you find it…
• P – Proceed with something that can support you in the present moment. Maybe you can do something about the trigger and resolve it (perhaps it’s something that requires fixing). If it doesn’t or you have no control over it, then take a 5-minute break, go for a walk, take a bath, or do whatever makes you feel better, like enjoying a cup of coffee. The intention is to bring you back to the here and now.

The simple act of recognizing the emotion and finding the cause can have a calming effect on your mind and body.